Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
