I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
