why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
