My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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