Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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