How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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