we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
