hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
