glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
