I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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