how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
