I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
