He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
