i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
