hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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