i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
