My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
