Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
