Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
