turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
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Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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