saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
