I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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