Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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