Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
