Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
