Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
