3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
