i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
