wrigley field is MILF paradise
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
