As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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