All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
