thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
