Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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