i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
