I love black thongs
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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