Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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