I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
