Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
