I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
