I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so explain again why im purple
no
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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