alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This is my gift to your gina
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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