Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize