Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
