am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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