We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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