Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
false alarm. still invincible.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
