He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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