she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
