I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
