I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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