i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
