i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
