We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
