do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
