Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
