They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
