can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
