Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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