I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
