I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize