i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
